This is by far the best bad movie I’ve seen in a while, at least in terms of acting, production, and story. In fact I’d go as far to say that I enjoyed it, which isn’t that hard to believe if you’ve seen any Vincent Price films. He’s a murderous lunatic and yet you root for him until the end. We're still talking about the movie, right?
The premise of the story is simple enough. Dr. Phibes (Price) seeks vengeance against the 9 doctors that unsuccessfully operated on his wife. Beyond this, each murder represents one of the 10 plagues on Egypt. In theory. This movie is basically a poor man’s Se7en on LSD.
Plague the First: Boils
One of the doctors is stung to death by bees. Unfortunately it wasn’t shown in the film – only mentioned – but something tells me it would have looked a lot like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmp-SRMwF3E
Plague the Second: Bats
Fruit bats, to be specific. Carnivorous…fruit bats. Did I mention I liked this movie? This scene is great because some of the fruit bats are obviously on strings. When the detectives show up, one of them somehow manages to leap on top of an armoire and investigate the top of it with a magnifying glass. Like I said, it’s a weird film.
Plague the Third: Frogs
Well, a frog mask. This victim attends a masquerade party and Dr. Phibes gives him a frog mask that continually gets tighter and tighter until he’s choked to death. Seems like a dark and ominous scene, until you see the one guy with a horse head mask on. He totally kills the mood. Words cannot describe how ridiculous it looks.
Plague the Fourth: Blood
This one was genuinely creepy. Dr. Phibes and his assistant Vulnavia (her actual name – more on her later) tie him down and drain all the blood from his body. Right before this happens though, the victim is in the middle of watching what can best be described as 1920’s porn. It’s basically a girl in a bikini handling a giant boa. Also, he’s watching this on a huge projector with a hand crank. It actually turns out being creepier than having all of his blood drained, which is commendable (?)
Plague the Fifth: Hail
This one is just plain dumb. The victim is being driven through the countryside (it's what eminent physicians do - don't question it) when they come across poor helpless Vulnavia on the side of the road, looking at her car. The driver gets out to help (dumb) and gets Vulcan Death Gripped by Dr. Phibes. Then they manage to install some sort of snow machine into the victims car, all while he’s sitting there confused (really dumb). Death by snowball onslaught is no way to go out.
Plague the Sixth: Rats on a Plane
Pretty self-explanatory. The victim goes out to fly his plane, but gets eaten by rats in the process and crashes. Bonus points to Dr. Phibes for getting a telescope to watch it all happen, and then getting up to applaud when the plane crashes. Awesome.
Plague the Seventh: Brass Unicorn Head
I’m no religion major, but I don’t remember this plague. I guess this counts as beasts, but come on. Anyway, one of the characters puts it better than I ever could when he says, “A brass unicorn has been catapulted across a London street and impaled an eminent surgeon. Words fail me gentlemen.” Too true.
Plague the Eighth: Locusts
Even considering the other murders, this is too much. Phibes and Vulnavia (I love typing her name) get a TON of Brussels sprouts and churn them into a sort of syrup. He somehow manages to pour this syrup all over this victim without waking her up, and then manages to get a ton of locusts to eat her (picked her dry, to be specific) without her waking up. Of course to start questioning the realism of the film at this point would just be absurd.
Plague the Ninth: Death of Firstborn
Why do the detectives and final doctor, who know that Phibes is going after him in a biblical way decide to leave the son all alone? Again, I shouldn’t question this film. Phibes manages to strap the boy down on an operating table, and puts the key that can free him inside him, near his heart. The victim has to operate on the boy and get the key within 6 minutes, or some acid Phibes had on hand would fall onto his face. Very Bond Villain-esque. Apparently Phibes’ wife lasted six minutes on the operating table, so naturally the son gets 6 minutes as well. Poetic, isn’t it? Well not to spoil anything, but the only one who gets acid in the face is Vulnavia. She’s by far my favorite character in this film. Her only line in the entire movie is “AHHHHHH!!!!” which is fitting because she is hit in the face with acid. She plays a white violin while all the victims are killed, and sometimes she orchestrates the animatronic band in the house, Dr. Phibes Clockwork Wizards. Did I mention that I liked this film?
Plague the Last: Darkness
Dr. Phibes actually takes his own life. He plays his last organ solo (phantom of the opera much?) and drains his blood (replacing it with embalming fluid) and lies down with his wife for all eternity. It’s a somewhat beautiful scene. Meanwhile, Vulvania takes an axe and completely destroys the house for no apparent reason, and then gets hit in the face with acid. Somewhat less beautiful, but thoroughly entertaining.
Like I said, I enjoyed this one. And apparently there’s a sequel, so I have that to look forward to, which is nice. And there’s a good chance that my firstborn will be named Vulnavia. I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Next Up: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Buckaroo_Banzai_Across_the_8th_Dimension
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